there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
