My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize