she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
