...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
