yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
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