sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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