what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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