My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
