my vag is so smooth its legendary
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
