Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
