what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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