It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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