5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
You left your phone here
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