i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
