I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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