No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Two words: nipple clamps
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