dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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