my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
