You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
