So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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