I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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