So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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