Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
