the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
