this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
