hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
well you can't waste a boner
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Randomize
