Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Randomize
