In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
