I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
