So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
