i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
