How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
