the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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