I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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