Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I need to calm my uterus...
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
