i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
