I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
