We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
