For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
