"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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