my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
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