She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
