im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
