GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
