No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
In America we eat man semen.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
She swung at the pinata with crutches
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
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