she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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