Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
