why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
I had to cum in my sink.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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