it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
