I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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