Porn is love you can see.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
