How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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