i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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