Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Randomize
