Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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