Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
