Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i drank out of a bidet.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
