He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
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