i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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