He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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