I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
