Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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