I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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