Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
