I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
