im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
That reminds me...we need to get swords
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
