She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
