I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
the day after is always just damage control
my shit smells like andre
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
