My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
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