My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
