She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
