new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
