You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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