'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
