Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
