i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Farmville is her only friend.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Randomize
