Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
