pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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