I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
