I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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