Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Randomize
