mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Randomize
