I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
