I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
